


Never Let Go

by HalRose



Series: The Shakarian Project [1]
Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Dreams and Nightmares, F/M, Fluff and Angst, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Mass Effect 2, Nightmares, Pre-Suicide Mission, Smutty, i didnt mean for it to go smutty but it did
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-12
Updated: 2020-08-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:47:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25854610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HalRose/pseuds/HalRose
Summary: “Do you want me to leave?” - Set during Mass Effect 2
Relationships: Female Shepard/Garrus Vakarian
Series: The Shakarian Project [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1876087
Comments: 3
Kudos: 16





	Never Let Go

**Author's Note:**

> Introducing... The Shakarian Project!
> 
> What is it?: it is me writing a list of prompts and turning those prompts into fics. It'll be of course, Femshep and Garrus Vakarian my favourite pairing of all time. I have a list of 100 prompts I will write about, this fic being number 1 and I plan to finish them all!
> 
> Thank you for reading, and please tell me if you spot any mistakes.

**Athena**

I’d been avoiding Garrus for the past day or so – a million thoughts running through my head. A million dreams were keeping me awake.  
All my dreams were essentially nightmares; I’d dream about various different ways he’d die and I couldn’t save him.

I couldn’t bring myself to tell him either, I didn’t want to push him away and sound silly. I didn’t want him to judge me.  
But I love him. I love him with all my heart and he’s the reason I keep fighting for this universe that we are a part of.  
I keep fighting for the family we have built upon the Normandy with our friends – with Liara, Tali, Mordin, Joker… they’re all like family to me, especially Anderson who gave me command of this ship. My home.

I don’t really have a proper place to call home. Earth just.. doesn’t feel like home to me. I feel like I belong somewhere else… I feel like I belong with Garrus,  
We’ve known each other for years and I just want to tell him how I feel, but I don’t want to weird him out.

He knows I love him. He already knows.

But it’s tearing me apart just avoiding him and soon I can’t bear it any longer. The dreams have started affecting my duty and a few bullets have taken down my shields every now and then.  
Garrus has noticed. I always take him out on missions, alongside Tali.  
And now the suicide mission is upon us – we may not make it out alive and I want to tell him how I really feel. 

My mind keeps going back to the feeling of suffocating in space, where I died after saving Joker.  
I remember what Garrus told me, about how he lost his way after I died and he wasn’t the only one to feel that way… but seeing him like that? So vulnerable, so exposed?

I promised myself it would never happen again.

I ask Garrus to come up to my private quarters, and he brings wine. I feel like I should have some, even though I don’t like the taste of alcohol. I don’t want to forget our talk.

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost, Shepard. Is there anything I can help you with?”

I don’t say anything. I’m trying to find the right words to start off the conversation. I’m sitting on the bed, my hands shaking.  
He puts the wine down on the bedside table and takes my hands and I look into his eyes. My heart is in my mouth.

“I’ve been avoiding you because of my nightmares.” I finally find the courage to tell him “If you’ll let me explain…”

He sits next to me and I explain about how my dreams usually start off the same way they always do – with me suffocating in space, and they immediately tun into various battle scenarios where we’re on the battlefield, and Garrus is always caught out… and I have to watch him die.  
I tell him that I know it makes me sound crazy but I don’t want to lose him. I don’t want the best thing to ever happen to me, just be destroyed like that.

“You know that I’m a tough son of a bitch to kill, Shepard…” Garrus’ voice whispers in my ear and it sends shivers down my spine. “And I know for a fact you’d fight to the death to keep everyone safe… and I just want you to know, I will always be here for you. No matter what.”

The shaking stops.

“I died once already Garrus, I don’t want to die again. Not yet. I don’t want to leave you behind.” I say.

Garrus tells me that he’s been having similar dreams every day for the past year. He didn’t want to tell me because he didn’t want to come off as creepy.  
I knew I felt something for him the moment we reunited, and he took a missile to the face… I knew then that I couldn’t lose him.

“Garrus? How do you do it? How do you go on, knowing every moment could be your last?”

“I don’t know about you.” He says, chuckling a little, “But I have something worth fighting for. And when I have that reason, I fight for it and won’t stop until I drop. I had an amazing teacher, and a Commander I look up to..”

“You mean me, don’t you?” I ask.

“Who else would it be?”.

My heart is racing as he wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me closer.

“Do you want me to leave?” Garrus asks.

“No.” I beg. “Never let go.”

“Tell me what you want, Shepard…” Garrus purrs.

I want him to hold me and never let go. I tell him that, and I tell him all my feelings about us, and what I want for us, and he tells me he feels the same way.  
But we don’t know if we’ll survive the suicide mission.  
We’ve done everything we can to prepare for the suicide mission, now we just have to plan the final attack…

I tell EDI that I don’t want to be disturbed, and she understands.

“Garrus, if we make it out of this suicide mission alive, I want you to come back to the ship. I want you to stay with me.” I say. “I know you have other commitments, like reporting to your father and doing what you can for Palaven, but I need you. I need you here, with me. Please.”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way, Athena.”

He calls me by my first name. He tells me that things are going to be okay, and I believe him.  
And we talk of a future we want, with each other. With our friends beside us.  
We make love, like it’s the last night of the world.

“I love you, Garrus Vakarian.” I tell him.

He hesitates. I know he finds it hard to say it back, but I know he loves me. I can see it in his eyes.  
He’ll tell me he loves me, in time. But I know that he’ll do it in his won special way, like how we’ve talked for the past hour or so.

“Don’t let go.” Garrus whispers in my ear.

“I’ll never let go, Garrus. Never.”

I don’t ever want to let him go. But then duty calls, and even still, he is by my side.


End file.
